


Alcohol and pills

by Artsy_Lad



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen) Deserves Better, Ghost Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Ghost connor is great, Hurt Jared, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Is it major character death if their already dead?, Jared Kleinman Is Bad at Feelings, Jared Kleinman Not Being an Asshole, Jared needs a hug, Other, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-05-08 00:44:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14682942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artsy_Lad/pseuds/Artsy_Lad
Summary: Evan has to apologize to Jared and he doesn't know how.OrEvan apologizes almost too late.





	Alcohol and pills

Evan messed up. Oh he messed up big time. He lied to a family and a whole lot of people on the internet.  
He lied about being Connor's friend and told his family lies about who Connor was and that he didn't even know Connor. His family just assumed that they knew each other closely but Evan never hung out with the other teen.

Well, not while he was alive at least.

Evan could see the ghost of Connor Murphy and to say he was prepared for it was another lie. He was coming up with what to write while Jared was out when the ghost made his presence know, and Evan did not scream. After calming down and lots of yelling and Ms. Hansen checking in on him and small talk afterwards Evan still couldn't believe he could see the ghost of the dead teen he was pretending to he friends with. Not awkward at all. For then on Evan could always see the ghost as he went about his days and did things. He was always floating by, and always there when Evan was writing the letters and Connor had a lot to say and things to critique.

And Connor's ghost liked to remind Evan all the time how he should come clean but Evan ignored it. He was blind, he was hoping to hard for something so perfect and so real that he got lost in his lies. He just kept telling the ghost he would do it later. That one day he'll come clean but first he needed to do more work for the Connor project, (which Connor didn't believe.) When in reality he just wanted to pretend for a little longer and hope and just pretend that everything was alright.  
Until Jared told him the same thing and broke his reality. Then, he thought about it, not because he was being sane but because Jared doesn't care. Right?

But instead of being sane and listening to him, or thinking over it and asking for some time, he lashed out. Evan hurt Jared, he yelled and defended himself from him, by using his weaknesses against and he realized his mistake afterwards, he was too late. Jared was so hurt, he was crying and stopped yelling, he just gave up. Evan knew he messed up, Jared was a firecracker, he didn't go down easily, not that easily, but he looked so hurt and at a lost for a words he just... Gave up. He lashed back out and then Jared left and he had every right to be upset at Evan. Evan screwed up. Big time, he didn't do the right thing for once. He just wanted to pretend everything was okay and fine for when it wasn't alright.

Connor kept reminding him of it too.  
"Evan times up, you gotta tell my family! This isn't right. This isn't a game of pretend wake up." 

"I know Connor!" Evan was pacing his room while Ghost boy was sitting on his bed watching him go back and forth. "God I hurt so many people... I hurt my mom, I dragged Alana into this less and Jared, oh god I hurt someone just trying to help." Evan then thought of a plan to tell the Murphys of what he did and how he should apologize. It wasn't going to be easy coming clean to a huge lie he shouldn't have made. One big lie spiraled into a web of lies.

And that's what he did.

Zoe was heartbroken and Evan didn't blame her, Cynthia was shocked and yelled at him, while Larry was disappointed in Evan. Evan left them to think over the bomb he dropped and called Alana. He told her he was sorry for what he did, he took blame for the whole thing and didn't tell the Murphys that she was involved. Alana was thankful and soon after she'll start talking to him again but, she told him to give her some time.

Evan respected her and and then went to his mom. He apologized for how terrible he was being and how he pushed her away. They had a very emotional moment of hugging it out and crying. Thankfully for Evan, Connor left so they could have their moment. After it, Evan went upstairs and talked to Connor, apologized for pretending his friend and asked him to be a real friend. Connor agreed only if he didn't start getting mushy and emotional. Evan was honestly thankful for the ghost being there.

Evan realized one thing. He hasn't apologized to Jared. And he didn't know how, how do you talk to the one person who stood by you yet insulted you?

Jared and him were never truly close but Jared was always there for Evan in a weird way. Sure, he was snarky and insulted him often but he was there. He let Evan come over to cry whenever he needed. Jared always knew just what to do when he was upset, he listened when he needed someone to be there. Sometimes when Evan was having a panic attack or feeling upset he realized Jared didn't even need to be told once wrong he just knew. And then he already knew how to calm him down and help him out. And Jared Listened to Evan when he ranted about plants and trees and actually showed up yo his birthdays and once in a blue moon when he did show he cared he buys gifts for Evan. Sure Evan never knew why he got them and thought they were jokes but Jared would tense up and shrug it off but Evan always loved the gifts since Jared bought him things he liked. And that's when Evan realized Jared was a close friend who cared. He just didn't say it or express it often, but he did in small doses and maybe, just maybe Jared was just insecure and had a hard time with how he was feeling.

Evan got up and grabbed his phone, calling Jared. "Alright, I'll just apologize and then ask to meet up and hug him and everything will be fine!" When he didn't answer, Evan tried again. "What did we say about pretending? Think realistic Evan." Connor chimed in and Evan nodded and paced as his second call was sent to voicemail. "Right right..." Evan held his phone close as he walked over to his dresser and looked out the window biting his lip. "Do you think he's ignoring me? I mean I did yell at him and he has every right to be mad." Evan ranted to Connor, who rolled his eyes knowing he was about to go into a worried rants. "He could he try again." And so he did, five more times. Each time greeted with Jared stupid voicemail, "sorry to busy with a tree nerd to answer your call, unless its you Evan than I'm eating a bathbomb and you should leave me alone. Bye!" In an all too cheerful voice.

Evan started panicking and turned to Connor who was looking at Evan's shelf of Succulents. "Maybe I should check on him? R-right? I mean h-hes probably upset or j-just need some time to g-grieve, wait not grieve I mean jus- just needs space...!" Connor turned and looked at Evan thinking for a moment. "Yeah, okay maybe you should go check on him.. I don't have a good feeling." Evan trusted to ghost and maybe it was because he was dead but Connor not having a good feeling about something or knowing things might go wrong it must mean something is gonna happen. Evan nodded and grabbed his keys and ran downstairs the ghost trailing his heels. Him rushing to get to his car caught the attention of Heidi. "Whoa, what's the rush? Where you going Honey?"

"I gotta find Jared, Mom! He's not answering my texts and he's the last person I need to apologize to!" Heidi nodded. "Just call me when you find him." Evan nodded and hopped into his car. Connor was oddly silent as Evan started driving. He glanced over at the ghost in his passenger seat.

"Just drive, Ev." Evan never questioned how the ghost knew things but he listened. Evan rode at the speed limit to Jared's house. He jumped out the car and raced up the steps, knocking on the door. Evan don't know why he tried, Jared's parents were never home. Evan groaned and walked over to the rocks, picking one up and grabbed a spare key. He unlocked the door and frantically ran inside searching for the small boy. He checked everyone room even the liquor cellar downstairs, except his room. Evan ran upstairs and knocked on his door. "Hey, Jared its me Evan.. I'm sorry.. I've came to apologize, please let me." There no response and Evan panicked. He heard a faint sound of something opening? Like a bottle cap. "Jared please, I'm so sorry just let me in.." Nothing from Jared, he heard shaking of items like rocks in a bottle.

Evan sighed and noticed the door wasn't locked. He instantly opened it and searched the room. Jared was turned away from him. Suddenly, he turned his head to him, eyes wide. "Jared, oh my god I got so scared, you didn't answer his calls." Jared turned to him, his hands behind his back as he watched Evan nervously. Evan took a step forward.   
"Look, you don't have to talk, just hear me out. What I did was horrible, and I took out my fear and anger on you. I feel like a dick, Jare. You tried to warn me and save me from going further and hurting more people! And I'm so sorry for.. Abandoning you and lashing out at you, I'm so sorry!"

Jared stared at me, like he was frozen in time and just stared. "Jare, okay, yo- you can talk now!" Evan chuckled nervously. Jared mumbled something muffled, For some reason, he didn't dare open his mouth, Evan stared at him in confusion. "Jared seriously, talk to me.. What we-were you eating a b-bathbomb when I wa-walked in? Why won't you look at me or open your mouth?" Evan joked, his voice cracking in fear. Suddenly, Connor was back at his side, tapping his shoulder frantically. "Not now, Con!" Evan muttered harshly. "Evan! He's not eating a bathbomb! He has pills in his mouth! You caught him during a suicide attempt! The pill bottle is behind him!" Evans eyes widened as he turned to Jared who was looking back at him with wide eyes. Jared could hear and see Connor so he just stood there waiting for Evan to react to it. Connor was there the whole time. He noticed how quiet Jared was being and looked to see what he had behind his back.

A bottle of pills.

Evan wasted no time. He ran forward and and turned him around, hugging him from behind and pressed hard on his stomach causing the smaller boy to cough up all the pills in his mouth. Jared dropped the bottle and kept coughing up pills. Evan watched them leave his mouth, half dissolved pills left in a trail of saliva. Evan let go and looked at Jared in fear.

Jared was suicidal? 

Did their fight cause Jared to want to end his life? 

Evan started to grow panicky again. Did Evan really have that effect of him? Evan knew the feeling of how no one cares or you don't matter and the fact that that's how Jared felt made his heart hurt. "Ja-Jare-" 

"I'm sorry..." Jared started crying. 

"You're sorry? Jared, why are you sorry??" "Jared... Why did you try t.. To do th-this..?"

"You w-weren't supposed to b-be here... I should've d-done it.."

"Jared you sh-shouldnt try to take your o-own life! I'm gl-glad I stopped you!"

"Suicide is a private thing..."

Jared felt so terrible. For years, he's been a dick to Evan. Finally, Evan realized it and left him. Jared honestly wanted to rid the world of himself so he wouldn't be such a burden on Evan. "I should've done it Evan, I'm s-sorry for how I've t-treated you all these years! I'm a huge asshole who just r-ruins things! Our fight woke me up, Evan! You d-dont need me.. I just plague your life with me being in it! God, Evan, I can't k-keep lying to myself! I insult you instead of c-complimenting you and cheering you on! I j-just dra- drag you down! I hide my insecurities because I'm scared and I'm an id-idiot! I hate myself for taking o-out all my pain and low self-esteem on yo-you because instead of talking, I k-keep things to myself! I'm terrible Evan!" Jared ranted crying more. He hugged himself and didn't look up at Evan as he sobbed. "I'm a loser an... And... I don't want you to leave me... You m-mean so m-much to me Evan... I care so m-much..." Jared fell to his knees hugging himself tighter, sobbing. "I care so much about you and wh-what people think about me..." Evan got close, crouching down and hugged Jared tightly, wrapping him up in his arms and just shushing him from the world. "I'm so sorry Jared, god I'm sorry I didn't notice.." "H-how could you? I'm the fearless ass n-named Jared fucking Kleinman and ev-everyone including me, hate me.." Jared muttered weakly against Evan, even though he was hugging him, Jared didn't feel worthy of being comforted.

"You should've let me do it Ev-Evan... Then y-you and Zo-" 

"Shut up!" Evan cried, surprising Jared. "Shut up! You don't deserve to die, Jared! You're human, you're not perfect! I'm not perfect! We're both broken and need each other to pick up the pieces to work together!" Jared opened his mouth but Evan shushed him. "I told them! I told everyone how the Connor project was a scam! I told them I lied to them and I told them it was all me. I told them no one else helped me, it was all me! They don't know you helped me, Jared. We both messed up, we c-can fix this, we can work on it! Okay, Jared?" Jared nodded and sobbed, hugging Evan back, shoving his face into his chest. Evan tightened his grip on the smaller boy and pulled him close, shushing him and saying sweet things to him. For once, Evan was there for Jared as he cried. And Jared cried a lot. He spent his weekends with bottles of liquor and feelings. And the next morning, he ends up puffy eyed and more depressed.

For a few minuets they just clung together, sitting on the floor crying and holding each other, having a moment. Soon, Jared calmed down yet he still clung to Evan, sniffling and thinking about the night. "H-how did you know I had the pills in my mouth?" Jared asked, quietly as Evan ran his fingers through his hair. "You know how." Jared did know, Jared believed Evan when he told him he could see a dead kid and after a while he could see Connor too but, tonight the ghost didn't make himself seen as he scoped out the room. At the mention of him, Jared noticed Connor sitting on the bed, frowning with a few tears on his face as he messed with his knuckles. 

Jared was saved, Connor wasn't.

It must've been hard for the ghost to see someone care so much. "Th-thank you Conman..." Jared said as his voice cracked. "Ya kn-know I kinda wanna hug you... Hottopic." 

Connor chuckled and Jared cracked a small, sad smile as he shed a few tears. "You technically could if I wanted you to, but later." Jared nodded and just smiled.

Evan let go and helped Jared up and they both sat on the bed next to the ghost. Jared curled up hugging his knees while Evan leaned against the bedframe. Evan couldn't stop staring at the bottle on the floor next to discarded half dissolved pills. "Did you plan on dry swallowing or?" Evan asked, shakily. Jared shook his head, toying with one of his bracelets. "I was gonna down some... W-Whiskey after them.." 

"You were gonna d-drink alcohol after an o-overdose of p-pills..?" 

"That's a sm-smart way out.." 

"Connor don't encourage him.."

"Didn't he overdose?"

"And I jumped out a tree, what is the point of this conversation?"

"Right, sorry Ev."

Alcohol and Pills, not a good mix, yet a perfect concoction for a cocktail of depression and suicide. It was awkward between all three of the teens, all three have tried to end their lives, one was successful and the others could see him. What have they gotten into.

"Promise to talk to me more?"

"Yea... As long as you don't leave me.."

"Never Jare, even Connor has your back."

"No, not Conman too...?"

"Never pull that shit again J..."

Jared was honestly surprised the ghost cared for him but he smiled and hugged his knees tighter.

"Alright Con.."

(Bonus can't let it all be Angsty)

\--- the next Morning ---

Evan groggily woke up to light shining on his face and he groaned. Wait, since when were his curtains yellow? Oh right, he was in Jared's room, he sat up and looked over to see Jared curled up next to him on a red comforter. Connor sprawled out beside him, his legs draped over Evans lap as his hair was literally all over the place. Evan chuckled at the sight and leaned up against the footrest and sighed, last night was a bit emotionally draining and he was glad he could just rest. That is, until he heard Connor groaning, he turned to the ghost who was staring at the ceiling. "Wait. Why am I laying on you and Jared?" Evan snorted at his expression, he looked confused yet fake disgusted. "Y'all are uncomfortable pillows-" Evan rolled his eyes. "Yeah sorry I'm not feather soft, you must fell asleep like that." Connor huffed and turned to look at Jared. "You two are closer than you both think." Connor stated and Evan thought about it. "Yeah I guess we are. I don't want to lose him." "And he doesn't want to lose you." Evan smiled fondly. "Yeah"

And with that Evan leaned back and grinned closing his eyes,  everything was okay. Well it was until, "wait, didn't you tell your mom you would call her when you found Jared?" Evan eyes shot open. "Oh shit" 

Evan messed up, not big time but his mom was going to be pissed.

**Author's Note:**

> If you find any errors please let me know, I'm to lazy to proofread it again-
> 
> Thanks for reading
> 
> Later


End file.
